"Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again. It must be just right. Be sure the rum is of the highest quality. Pour one cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric mixer, beat one cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of tugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure the rum teh absolutely highest quality. Sample another cup. Open second quart as necessary. Add 2 orge laggs, 2 cups of fried druit and beat untill high. Sample the rum again, checking for toncisticity. Next sift 3 cups of baking powder, a pinch of rum, a seaspoon of toda, and a cup of pepper. Or maybe salt. Sample some more. Sift ¾ pint of lemon juice. Fold in schopped butter and strained chups. Add bablespoon of brown gugar, or whatever color you have. Mix mell. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees and rake until poothtick comes out crean."
maybe Omar Khayyám,
or Sir Galahad Threepwood,
or Gussie Fink-Nottle.
"O Tam! had'st thou but been sae wise,
As taen thy ain wife Kate's advice!
She tauld thee weel thou was a skellum,
A blethering, blustering, drunken blellum;
That frae November till October,
Ae market-day thou was na sober..." [More]
—Robert Burns, 1759 – 1796
Tam O' Shanter: A Tale
"They nicked the auld man, and they pricked the auld man,
And they yerked his limbs with twine,
Till the red blude ran in his hose and shoon,
But some cried it was wine..." [More]
—James Hogg, 1770 – 1835
The Witch of Fife
"I taste a liquor never brewed,
From tankards scooped in pearl;
Not all the vats upon the Rhine
Yield such an alcohol!
"Inebriate of air am I,
And debauchee of dew,
Reeling, through endless summer days,
From inns of molten blue.
"When landlords turn the drunken bee
Out of the foxglove's door
When butterflies renounce their drams,
I shall but drink the more!
"Till seraphs swing their snowy hats,
And saints to windows run,
To see the little tippler
Leaning against the sun!"
—Emily Dickinson, 1830 – 1886
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't
they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning
anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five
years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
"Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts."
—Richard P. Feynman, 1918 – 1988
"I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevski. In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics: 'Plagiarize!' ...Only be sure always to call it, pliz, 'research'." [More]
—Tom Lehrer, 1928 –
"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
"That a man can take pleasure in marching in formation to the strains of a band is enough to make me despise him. He has only been given his big brain by mistake; a backbone was all he needed. This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. Heroism by order, senseless violence, and all the pestilent nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism—how I hate them! War seems to me a mean, contemptible thing: I would rather be hacked in pieces than take part in such an abominable business. And yet so high, in spite of everything, is my opinion of the human race that I believe this bogy would have disappeared long ago, had the sound sense of the nations not been systematically corrupted by commercial and political interests acting through the schools and the Press."
"The fairest thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science. He who knows it not and can no longer wonder, no longer feel amazement, is as good as dead, a snuffed-out candle. It was the experience of mystery—even if mixed with fear—that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, of the manifestations of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which are only accessible to our knowledge and this emotion that constitute the truly religious attitude; in this sense, and in this alone, I am a deeply religious man."
"You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war."
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we used when we created them."
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
—Albert Einstein, 1879 – 1955
"There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true."
—Sören Kierkegaard, 1813 – 1855
"There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count, and those who cannot."
"There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary arithmetic, and those who do not."
"There are two types of people in this world: those who divide people into two types, and those who do not."
"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."
—Jesus of Nazareth
"The principle of brotherhood expounded by the agitator of Nazareth preserved the germ of life, of truth and justice, so long as it was the beacon light of the few. The moment the majority seized upon it, that great principle became a shibboleth and harbinger of blood and fire, spreading suffering and disaster."
, 1869 – 1940
"Minorities Versus Majorities"
Anarchism and Other Essays
"A single flow'r he sent me, since we met.
All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet –
One perfect rose.
"I knew the language of the floweret;
'My fragile leaves,' it said, 'his heart enclose.'
Love long has taken for his amulet
One perfect rose.
"Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose."
— Dorothy Parker, 1893 – 1967
One Perfect Rose, 1926
"Edible, adj. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm."
"Esoteric, adj. Very particularly abstruse and consummately occult. The ancient philosophies were of two kinds, —exoteric, those that the philosophers themselves could partly understand, and esoteric, those that nobody could understand. It is the latter that have most profoundly affected modern thought and found greatest acceptance in our time."
1842 – ca. 1914
"If the carbon atoms that make up the printer's ink on this page could speak, they could tell far more of natural history than any author. They were spewed forth in the glowing smoke of primordial volcanoes. They floated with the shells of primitive cuttlefish in the warm seas of the Devonian geologic era. They were part of the fern trees of the Coal Age forests. They smudged the hearthstone of Ice Age man, when he painted bison on the walls of his cave. And they whirled upward with the smoke from the flames of burning Troy, when Hecuba lamented the sons of Priam. Now, for a brief period, they are captured here in printer's ink. But they will still exist when we are no longer here, and this book has crumbled to dust."
Design of the Universe
The Heavens and the Earth, 1954
"Our trail is on the Kimmeridge clay,
And the scarp of the Purbeck flags:
We have left our bones in the Bagshot stones,
And deep in the Coralline crags.
Our love is old, our lives are old,
And death shall come amain:
Should it come today, what man may say
We shall not live again?" [More]
—Langdon Smith, 1858 – 1908
"One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female voice said YES?
"'O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden from my heart!'
"WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL.
"'I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe.'
"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?
"'But nobody wants it! Everybody hates it.'
"OH. WELL, THEN STOP.
"At which moment She turned Herself into an aspirin commercial and left the Polyfather stranded alone with his species."
—Malaclypse the Younger 3
"You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake."
—Jeanette Rankin (1880 – 1973)
"Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves."
—William Pitt, 1759 – 1806
"Culture strives to establish a boundary between itself and barbarism. The manifestations of barbarism are called 'crimes.' But existing criminology is insufficient to isolate barbarism. It is insufficient because the idea of 'crime' in existing criminology is artificial, for what is called crime is really an infringement of 'existing laws,' whereas 'laws' are very often a manifestation of barbarism and violence. Such are the prohibiting laws of different kinds which abound in modern life.
"The number of these laws is constantly growing in all countries and, owing to this, what is called crime is very often not a crime at all, for it contains no element of violence or harm. On the other hand, unquestionable crimes escape the field of vision of criminology, either because they have not the recognized form of crime or because they surpass a certain scale. In existing criminology there are concepts: a criminal man, a criminal profession, a criminal society, a criminal sect, a criminal caste and a criminal tribe, but there is no concept of a criminal state, or a criminal government or criminal legislation. Consequently the biggest crimes actually escape being called crimes."
—P. D. Ouspensky
A New Model of the Universe
"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it rains."
"Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation, and I care not who makes the laws."
—Mayer Amschel Rothschild, 1744 – 1812
"The modern banking system manufactures money out of nothing. The process is perhaps the most astounding piece of sleight of hand that was ever invented. Banking was conceived in inequity and born in sin... Bankers own the earth. Take it away from them but leave them the power to create money, and, with a flick of a pen, they will create enough money to buy it back again... Take this great power away from them, or if you want to continue to be the slaves of bankers and pay the cost of your own slavery, then let bankers continue to create money and control credit."
—Sir Josiah Stamp, 1880 – 1941
[a former president of the Bank of England]
"It is with government, as Caesar said it was in war, that money and soldiers mutually supported each other; that with money he could hire soldiers, and with soldiers extort money. So these villains, who call themselves governments, well understand that their power rests primarily upon money. With money they can hire soldiers, and with soldiers extort money. And, when their authority is denied, the first use they always make of money, is to hire soldiers to kill or subdue all who refuse them more money."
—Lysander Spooner, 1808 – 18874
No Treason: The Constitution of No Authority
"It is error alone which needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself."
—Thomas Jefferson, 1743 – 1826
"It is a mistake to assume that government must necessarily last forever. The institution marks a certain stage of civilization – is natural to a particular phase of human development. It is not essential, but incidental. As amongst the Bushmen we find a state antecedent to government, so may there be one in which it shall have become extinct."
—Herbert Spencer, 1820 – 1903
"By the Law of Periodical Repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again and again – and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's, and each obeying its own law. ...
"Will this wonderful civilization of today perish? Yes, everything perishes. Will it rise and exist again? It will – for nothing can happen that will not happen again. And again, and still again, forever. It took more than eight centuries to prepare this civilization – then it suddenly began to grow, and in less than a century it is become a bewildering marvel. In time, it will pass away and be forgotten. Ages will elapse, then it will come again; and not incomplete, but complete; not an invention nor discovery nor any smallest detail of it missing. Again it will pass away, and after ages will rise and dazzle the world again as it dazzles it now – perfect in all its parts once more. It is the Law of Periodical Repetition."
—Mark Twain, 1835 – 1910
Letters From the Earth
"The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.
"Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us.
"There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after."
—Ecclesiastes, 1:9-11, KJV
"There is no such thing, at this date of the world's history, in America, as an independent press. You know it and I know it. There is not one of you who dares to write your honest opinions, and if you did, you know beforehand that it would never appear in print. I am paid weekly for keeping my honest opinion out of the paper I am connected with. Others of you are paid similar salaries for similar things, and any of you who would be so foolish as to write honest opinions would be out on the streets looking for another job. If I allowed my honest opinions to appear in one issue of my paper, before twenty-four hours my occupation would be gone.
"The business of the journalists is to destroy the truth, to lie outright, to pervert, to vilify, to fawn at the feet of mammon, and to sell his country and his race for his daily bread. You know it and I know it, and what folly is this toasting an independent press? We are the tools and vassals of rich men behind the scenes. We are the jumping jacks, they pull the strings and we dance. Our talents, our possibilities and our lives are all the property of other men. We are intellectual prostitutes."
—John Swinton, preeminent New York journalist, ca. 1880,
in response to a toast to "the independent press"
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false."
—Bill Casey, former Director
Central Intelligence Agency
"Nothing in politics ever happens by accident. If it happens, you can bet it was planned that way."
—Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882 – 1945
"In the counsels of Government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the Military Industrial Complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists, and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals so that security and liberty may prosper together."
—Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1890 – 1969
Farewell Address, January 17, 1961
"The world is governed by people far different from those imagined by the public."
—Benjamin Disraeli, 1st Earl of Beaconsfield, 1804 – 1881
"Aber der Staat lügt in allen Zungen des Guten und Bösen; und was er auch redet, er lügt – und was er auch hat, gestohlen hat er's."5
—Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, 1844 – 1900
Also Sprach Zarathustra
"Every country gets the government it deserves."
—Joseph Marie, Comte de Maistre, 1753 – 1821
"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."
—John Emerich Edward Dalberg, Lord Acton, 1834 – 1902
"No triumph of peace is quite so great as the supreme triumphs of war."
—Theodore Roosevelt, 1858 – 1919
Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, 1906
"In Germany, the Nazis first came for the communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, but I didn't speak up because I was a protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak for me."
—Rev. Martin Niemoller, 1892 – 1984
"The apathy of the people is enough to make every statue leap from its pedestal and hasten the resurrection of the dead."
—William Lloyd Garrison, 1805 – 1879
"It is the absolute right of the State to supervise the formation of public opinion."
—Goebbels, 1897 – 1945
"How fortunate for those in power that the people never think."
—Hitler, 1889 – 1945
"Possession isn't nine-tenths of the law, its nine-tenths of the problem."
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
"The Matrix is everywhere, it's all around us, here even in this room. You can see it out your window or on your television. You feel it when you go to work, or go to church or pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."
"What is real? How do you define real? If you're talking about your senses, what you feel, taste, smell, or see, then all you're talking about are electrical signals interpreted by your brain."
"The Matrix is a system, Neo, and that system is our enemy. When you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, lawyers, students. People. Everywhere you look, there are people. Somewhere else, somewhere in the future they may be human beings but here these people are a part of the system. That makes every one of them our enemy. It is important to understand that if you are not one of us, you are one of them."
"The man who invented the Total Perspective Vortex did so basically in order to annoy his wife.
"Trin Tragula – for that was his name – was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
"And she would nag him incessantly about the utterly inordinate amount of time he spent staring out into space, or mulling over the mechanics of safety pins, or doing spectrographic analyses of pieces of fairy cake.
"'Have some sense of proportion!' she would say, sometimes as often as thirty-eight times in a single day.
"And so he built the Total Perspective Vortex – just to show her.
"And into one end he plugged the whole of reality as extrapolated from a piece of fairy cake, and into the other end he plugged his wife: so that when he turned it on she saw in one instant the whole infinity of creation and herself in relation to it.
"To Trin Tragula's horror, the shock completely annihilated her brain; but to his satisfaction he realized that he had proved conclusively that if life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion."
—Douglas Adams, 1952 – 2001
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
"A university student while visiting Gasan asked him: 'Have you ever read the Christian Bible?'
"'No, read it to me,' said Gasan.
"The student opened the Bible and read from St. Matthew: 'And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They toil not, neither do they spin, and yet I say unto you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.... Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.'
"Gasan said: 'Whoever uttered those words I consider an enlightened man.'
"The student continued reading: 'Ask and it shall be given you, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you. For everyone that asketh receiveth, and he that seeketh findeth, and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.'
"Gasan remarked: 'That is excellent. Whoever said that is not far from Buddhahood.'" 6
"Hogen, a Chinese Zen teacher, lived alone in a small temple in the country. One day four traveling monks appeared and asked if they might make a fire in his yard to warm themselves.
"While they were building the fire, Hogen heard them arguing about subjectivity and objectivity. He joined them and said: 'There is a big stone. Do you consider it to be inside or outside your mind?'
"One of the monks replied: 'From the Buddhist viewpoint everything is an objectification of mind, so I would say that the stone is inside my mind.'
"'Your head must feel very heavy,' observed Hogen, 'if you are carrying around a stone like that in your mind.'" 7
"When the great Tao is forgotten,
goodness and piety appear.
When the body's intelligence declines,
cleaverness and knowledge step forth.
When there is no peace in the family,
filial piety begins.
When the country falls into chaos,
patriotism is born." 9
"If you want to be a great leader,
you must learn to follow the Tao.
Stop trying to control.
Let go of fixed plans and concepts,
and the world will govern itself.
"The more prohibitions you have,
the less virtuous people will be.
The more weapons you have,
the less secure people will be.
The more subsidies you have,
the less self-reliant people will be.
"Therefore the Master says:
I let go of the law,
and people become honest.
I let go of economics,
and people become prosperous.
I let go of religion,
and people become serene.
I let go of all desire for the common good,
and the good becomes common as gress." 10
- "What you call disharmony is merely partial achievement. Partial achievement is due, naturally, to deficiency in the instrument. For harmony itself is beautiful and complete. The creation of disharmony, to pursue the logical sequence further, can result in the creation of nothing eternal for the reason that it is merely incompletion; and incompletion cannot exist for a longer time than it takes for some other creative intelligence to tune in upon, and bring to manifestation, the complementing vibration, the added proportion that will round out and complete the mold left by the other. This is true of what you might even be tempted to call malevolent and evil creations. They are extreme examples of incompleteness. But they are, nevertheless, fragments of a harmonious entirety. They are ugly because they are partial. They will endure because they are truly products of creative intelligence, but they will not endure in their present form. Completed, they will be seen as the lesser curves of a beautiful whole. They will be completed only by the fuller contribution of more advanced and more able creative imaginations." 11
- "I would have you take a broad view for the once of what you might call the state of the world. A pessimist is a man who takes a narrow view of things, and if things are dark there is always the sure remedy of extending the horizon. If the extension be sufficient, you will inevitably come upon clear skies." 12
"Not for one moment did I doubt that you were the Buddha, that you have reached the highest goal which so many thousands of Brahmins and Brahmins' sons are striving to reach. You have done so by your own seeking, in your own way, through thought, through meditation, through knowledge, through enlightenment. You have learned nothing through teachings, and so I think, O Illustrious One, that nobody finds salvation through teachings. To nobody, O Illustrious One, can you communicate in words and teachings what happend to you in the hour of your enlightenment. The teachings of the enlightened Buddha embrace much, they teach much — how to live righteously, how to avoid evil. But there is one thing that this clear, worthy instruction does not contain; it does not contain the secret of what the Illustrious One experienced — he alone among hundreds of thousands. That is what I thought and realized when I heard your teachings. That is why I am going on my way — not to seek another and better doctrine, for I know there is none, but to leave all doctrines and all teachers and to reach my goal alone — or to die. But I will often remember this day, O Illustrious One, and this hour when my eyes beheld a holy man."
"Snow upon their shoulders,
Quiet Buddhas meditate,
While others worship soldiers
Who eagerly anticipate
The glory to be won at War.
"The conquering of Real Estate,
Explosions, bullets, blood, and gore;
Cries of pain and shouts of hate.
Unanswered question: 'What's it for?'
"Double-time, now, don't be late,
Replacing those that died before
You came to help increase the rate
Of death, destruction. Mindless chore
For those who never contemplate
The consequence of waging War...
"While quiet Buddhas meditate."
—John Wildman 1954 –
"Snow Upon Their Shoulders"
"I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away."
—Percy Bysshe Shelley, 1792 – 1822
Ozymandias of Egypt
"I think it would be a very good idea."
—Mohandâs Karamchand Gandhi,14 1869 – 1948
"As there are relative truths, there are relative freedoms. If you are evolving through the hierarchical process you gain an ever-increasing sense of freedom, yet you are still controlled by the vibration of externals through languages, thought forms, frequencies of color and sound, and the seemingly indelible artifacts of the genetic mind. Each of these elements can cause the human instrument to rely upon the hierarchy as it overlays a sense of inequality between you and your Source. The underlying equation of the evolutionary process is human instrument + Hierarchy = God connection. In the case of the transformational process, it is Entity + Source Intelligence = Prime Source equality.
"Source Intelligence, though it generally manifests as the vibration of equality, is subject to the will of First Source, and as the Source intention changes through the various stages of the Grand Experiment, Source Intelligence is also changing its form of manifestation. This change is occurring now within the worlds of time and space because First Source is beginning to set the stage for the integration of the two primary models of existence (evolution / saviorship and transformation / mastership) within the Grand Experiment.
"The time has come to integrate the dominant model of the hierarchy (evolution / saviorship) with the dominant model of Source Intelligence (transformation / mastership). This integration can only be achieved at the level of the entity. It cannot occur within the context of a human instrument or an aspect of the hierarchy. Only the entity – the wholeness of inter-dimensional sovereignty imbued with Source Intelligence – can facilitate and fully experience the integration of these two models of existence."
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly! Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee my foonting turlingdromes,
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
For otherwise I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with
My blurglecruncheon, see if I don't."
—Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz 16
"Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there, doing spreadsheets.
Having reached the bottom line, I took a diskette from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command,
And waited for the disk to store:
Only this, and nothing more."
If Poe Had A Computer...
"Hawaii, sir? You must be Hungary."
"Yes, Siam. I can't Rumania long, Venice lunch ready?"
"I'll Russia table. What'll you Havre? Aix?"
"Whatever's ready, but can't Jamaica cook hurry?"
"Odessa laugh! But Alaska."
"And put a Cuba sugar in my Java."
"Don't be Sicily. Sweden it yourself. I'm only here to Serbia."
"Denmark my check and call the Bosporus. I hope he'll Kenya. I don't Bolivia know who I am!"
"Canada noise! I don't Caribbean. You sure Ararat!"
"Samoa your wisecracks? What's got India? D'you think this arguing Alps business? Be Nice!"
"Don't Kiev me that Bologna! Alamein do! S'pain in the neck. Pay your check and beat it. Abyssinia!"
"Overheard in a Foreign Restaurant"
"To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would fardels bear, till Birnam Wood do came to Dunsinane,
But that the fear of something after death
Murders the innocent sleep,
Great nature's second course,
And makes us rather sling the arrows of outrageous fortune
Than fly to others that we know not of.
There's the respect must give us pause:
Wake Duncan with thy knocking! I would thou couldst;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the pround man's contumely,
The law's delay, and the quietus which his pangs might take,
In the dead waste and middle of the night when churchyards yawn
In customary suits of solemn black,
But that the undiscovered country from whose bourne no traveler returns,
Breathes forth contagion on the world,
And thus the native hue of resolution, like the poor cat i' the adage,
Is sicklied o'er with care,
And all the clouds that lowered o'er our housetops,
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.
'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. But soft you, the fair Ophelia:
Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws,
But get thee to a nunnery – go!"
—Mark Twain,17 1835 – 1910
"One method of writing in rhyme
Is to hold a strong meter through time.
But with English word spelling
The task is compelling,
For words that should often don't rhyme.
"E.g. take a word like enough,
Which should mesh in verse with through.
But it's hard as cement
(Which is why I lament)
To make such words ever scan true.
"To write verse on an Army Colonel
Is a labor so fiendish infolonel
That I'd rather not do it
Unless I'm forced to it
By threat of hell-fire etolonel.
"So if to verse you're inclined,
I shouldn't need to remind
You this language curious
Oft yields verses spurious
That tax both your purse and your mind."
—John Wildman 1954 –
"Why I Am Not a Poet"
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
by Mark Twain
"For example, in Year 1 that useless letter 'c' would be dropped
to be replased either by 'k' or 's', and likewise 'x' would no longer
be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which 'c' would be retained
would be the 'ch' formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2
might reform 'w' spelling, so that 'which' and 'one' would take the
same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish 'y' replasing it with
'i' and Iear 4 might fiks the 'g/j' anomali wonse and for all.
"Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
ridandant letez 'c', 'y' and 'x' – bai now jast a memori in the maindz
ov ould doderez – tu riplais 'ch', 'sh', and 'th' rispektivli.
"Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld."
"Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
"Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
"As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
"Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew."
"If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn't."18
"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."
—R. Buckminster Fuller, 1895 – 1983
"Laddie, it's like this. When a chicken lays an egg, she cackles an' tells the whole farmyard. But when a duck lays an egg, she makes no' a sound. An' how many people eat ducks' eggs? Did ye never ask yourself yon question?"
—Sir Thomas Lipton, 1850 – 1931
"Little of all we value here
Wakes on the morn of its hundredth year
Without both feeling and looking queer.
In fact, there's nothing that keeps its youth,
So far as I know, but a tree and truth.
(This is a moral that runs at large;
Take it. – You're welcome. – No extra charge.)" [More]
—Oliver Wendell Holmes, 1809 – 1894
The Deacon's Masterpiece
1. "Bidden, or not bidden, God is present." Engraved in marble above the door of the home of psychologist Carl Jung (1875 – 1961), and upon his tombstone.
2. The Devil's Dictionary, Dover Publications, Inc, New York, 1993 (originally published as The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. VII, Neale Publishing Company, New York, 1911).
3. Principia Discordia: Or How I found Goddess And What I Did To Her When I Found Her: The Magnum Opiate of Malaclypse the Younger, Wherein is Explained Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing About Absolutely Anything, Loompanics Unlimited, Port Townsend, Washington.
Interestingly, the writings of Lysander Spooner are never brought to the attention of students of American history in the course of conventional academic study; although he had much to say that would surely interest an impartial student of history. Nor is his name mentioned in my Chambers Biographical Dictionary, Revised Edition, J.O. Thorne M.A. & T.C. Collocott M.A., Editors, W. & R. Chambers Ltd., Edinburgh, 1984, 1985, 1986. They do mention the Anglican clergyman, William Archibald Spooner (1844-1930) who is mainly famous for such "Spoonerisms" as inadvertently substituting "a half-warmed fish" for "a half-formed wish." Lysander Spooner was quite a different breed of cats from this William Archibald Spooner, as exemplified by the quotation above.
"But the State tells lies in all the tongues of good and evil; and whatever it says it lies – and whatever it has, it has stolen." [Walter Kaufmann, trans.]
6. Zen Flesh, Zen Bones: A Collection of Zen and Pre-Zen Writings, Compiled by Paul Reps, Anchor Books, Doubleday & Company, Inc., Garden City, New York, #16, Not Far from Buddhahood, p. 20.
7. Ibid., #76, The Stone Mind, p. 65.
8. Adaptation of a bumper sticker seen near Taos, New Mexico, USA.
9. Tao Te Ching: A New English Version, with Foreword and Notes, by Stephen Mitchell, Harper & Row, Publishers, New York, 1988, #18 (originally published, according to legend, in China ca. 4th century B.C.E.).
10. Ibid, #57.
11. The Gaelic Manuscripts, Betty White with Stewart Edward White, Chapter I, Creative Living, p. 10.
12. Ibid., Chapter VIIA, Man's Relationship to Cosmos, p. 48.
13. Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha, Translated by Hilda Rosner, A New Directions Book, New Directions Publishing Corporation, New York, 1951.
14. Attributed to Mahatma Gandhi by E.F. Schumacher, Good Work, ch. 2, 1979, in which Schumacher claims to have seen a film clip of Gandhi disembarking at Southampton in 1930, in which an interviewer asked Gandhi, "Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western civilization?" See also The Hip Gan by Richard "Lord" Buckley, 1906-1960.
15. The Shifting Models of Existence: WingMakers' Philosophy: Chamber Two, p. 8.
16. Douglas Adams, The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts, Edited and with an introduction by Geoffrey Perkins (who produced it) With another introduction by Douglas Adams, largely contradicting the one by Geoffrey Perkins, Harmony Books, New York, 1985, p. 31. Note that the poet, Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, is not identified in the Radio Scripts, but only in the original novel, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
17. "Hamlet's Soliloquy," as remembered by (the alleged) "David Garrick the younger, of Drury Lane Theatre, London," recounted in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain.
18. There has been some speculation that this may already be the case.
19. "I believe Elvis lives." Author unknown.