The New Paradigm
vol. I, Number Eight

Dear Friends,

Today we have a perceptive piece by Sue Fowler on "Relationships" - in general, and sexual relationships in particular: a topic I imagine to be of interest to a rather broad audience. It is not an easy topic to discuss, primarily because it is not really possible to be "objective" or "detached" about, er, um, well, ah, ...Sex. Is it? Why is that?

In a "new paradigm" world I suspect all this would not be a particularly important issue. But we do not yet live in a "new paradigm" world, and there is a great deal of neurosis, pain and anxiety associated with, and caused by, an enormous variety of out-of-joint convictions, beliefs and attitudes about Sex. In particular, numerous ecclesiastical priesthoods have for centuries fastened upon Sex as a very effective lever for massive political and economic control, with catastrophic consequences to the social psychology of large fractions of the human race.

Imagine, by way of analogy, how things would stand if some persuasive doctrine had somehow convinced large numbers of people that Eating is a "sin," and that the only way to evade the "sin" of Eating is to submit to the regulation and sanctification of one's daily meals by the Priesthood; that "sinless" Eating could only be accomplished in meticulously prescribed ways, as defined by the Priesthood, and that any Eating practice outside the defined bounds must be "confessed" to the Priesthood, and atoned for with a penance; and that even Eating within prescribed bounds is shameful and must never be done or spoken of in public.

Wouldn't that be a formula for mass psychosis? Come to think about it, that's not so far fetched as I had at first thought. The Catholics used to prohibit the eating of meat on Friday; pork is prohibited to Muslims; and there is quite an elaborate scheme of kosher foods to be observed by Jews. But these and other religions have taken the regulation of Sex from the Ridiculous to the Sublime - in my opinion.

I hope that's not too strong a statement. If I have offended anyone, please forgive my poor taste; but bear in mind also that we are only expressing opinions here. A crucial feature of the "new paradigm" (in my opinion) is that each one of us is empowered and responsible to evaluate all opinions for shimself, and come to shim's own determinations as to where or if any such fit into shim's personal cosmology. Anyway, I think you will find what Sue has to say quite palatable.[H.]

Dear Friends,

I do enjoy thinking about what the new paradigm means to me at my present level of understanding. I believe that our collective expression is what sends us forward, so if you have wise comments or questions about what I have written I would love to hear them. Not one of us has a patent on the truth and this newsletter could become a forum for some fascinating discussion.

It is often said the greatest relationship is that which we hold with ourselves, and considering the premise which states that we experience the world in ourselves, rather than ourselves in the world, it seems to make sense. All that is perceived by individuals then, to be reality, is in fact a personal view or interpretation.

I have discussed duality and how our minds have created monsters due to separation and the glorifying of the self. I believe conditioning begins in the womb with the relationship with Mother; and later as little Johnny crosses the carpet carrying a cup of tea to Grandma and is instructed "Don't drop it!" Is it any wonder his hand suddenly wobbles? An invisible flea catches his toe and lo and behold, the mess and tears to follow demonstrate a direct fear-based reaction.

As Johnny grows and hears instructions of "No" and "Can't" and "Don't touch your private parts - dirty" he experiences confusion between what he hears, 7% of communication, and what he feels and sees in tone and body language, 93%.

Eventually he decides, "It's just not safe to trust my feelings. I have to listen and judge with my reasoning mind, I can't trust my body." What emerges is a held-back individual, less able to experience 'God I Am' as reasoning power takes precedence over body sensations and intuitive knowings. The subconscious mind is a powerful tool and if trained correctly can serve us brilliantly. However, due to duality and ignorance based on fear we are contracted individuals, shuffling through life ever watchful of disaster, striving to maintain energy in a world of separation.

The subconscious understands directions very literally and does not understand a sentence negating itself. For example, if I feel sadness welling up inside and instruct myself, "Don't cry," the subconscious understanding is, in order not to cry I first have to make her [the conscious self] cry. So the more one says [negatively], "Don't do...(anything)...," the more that which you fear becomes unavoidably realized. Much better then to say to yourself [positively], "Remain calm."

Due to our conditioning and expectations placed upon us from an early age, relationships with others, especially those of intimate nature, may become an emotional rollercoaster over which we feel we have little control. We enter the world as feeling individuals and initially experience the world predominately through bodily sensations. The security we feel, or lack of it, largely depends on the reactions and emotional maturity of our primary care giver; as in entering the physical world our link with the greater part of ourselves is somewhat diminished. Destined to walk our 'chosen pathway,' we are hurled unto the mercy of our caregivers. Already having received powerful impressions while in utero, this relationship becomes all important for our physical survival.

Have you ever watched a baby express? they express with their whole body, from the blissful connection and curling of toes at the breast to the rigid anger, stiffly contorted body, earsplitting screams with red faced tears of frustration and hurt - a fear-based reaction. A child who is fully present in the body will show a strong lively response when stimulated. Many, however, finding life more painful than anticipated, very early on will retreat, with a major portion of their energy removed and present in other realms. They are being tested, and had forgotten how difficult a task physicality really is. These ones show less vigor and may seem less present and grounded; also due to the diminished life force the body is less able to avoid disease.

So what has all this got to do with Sex??  Ahh well, we have established how important physical security is for infants, and through expression of the body they let their needs be known and fulfilled. Expressing then becomes an important key, for a fully present strong soul will live life to the maximum through the physical, and trust the bodily responses for direction. The physical vehicle is the readout of the soul, and through the body and emotions we can find the way home to the source, or God within.

As bodies of expression there is no such thing, then, as a positive and negative emotion. The only one that does not serve us is that which is not EXPRESSED, stuffed down; and this applies to all emotion. Because we are here to express and forward our understanding, the world becomes a mirror through which we see ourselves more clearly, and never more so than through our interactions with another human being.

A new paradigm relationship shall be based on open, honest communication. Preferably a daily 'review' will take place where one partner has the chance without interruption to express to the other what took place that day: what felt good,what felt not so good, or even painful. Both have a chance to express from the heart, without fearing judgment, and each will have the willingness to explore the depths of feelings and learn more appropriate ways of relating. The couple shall be aware when resistance, resentment or feelings of rejection are present, and act quickly upon those feelings with heartfelt expression.

Due to the mirror aspect of relationship, at times painful memories and past conditionings will be triggered, allowing an opportunity for healing in a safe, supportive environment. Both partners shall remain open to the immediate question requiring an answer, and explore what feels appropriate, gaining additional help from outside the relationship if required. They will understand that as long as there is intense feeling between them, whether it is described as love or hate, then they have something to learn from each other. The emotion serves as a gift and is always an opportunity to grow, to become more. What one partner is attempting to suppress the other will express.

During an intense expression, as in lovemaking, who is feeling the feelings? You are, the other is reminding you of the love within yourself. A powerful mirror can bring out the strongest feelings in us. The ultimate experience is the union between two souls who's unblocked emotional fields can remain present and merge as one, taking the physical powerful rhythm of nature and waves of delight from the lower chakras* to the crown, thus taking the physical realm to a spiritual crescendo. The degree to which one can feel this intensity is a sign as to the degree of holding on or letting go experienced by the psyche: the level of safety and willingness to give of thyself, to merge and trust without barriers or constraint, a circle of love, coming home to the soul through physicality and expression. Instead of euphoria there is often an emotional outpouring following intimacy, suggesting a block in the 3rd chakra or centre of emotion.

So what happens when we notice someone we are attracted to? It's like an energy with a life all of it's own is created, a force of attraction. Perhaps the person has something to teach us; perhaps we are reacting to past connections, reminders. Either way there is a strong urge to merge. The energy may be electric as the energy fields sense each other. Inquisitive and excited, the body responds and verbal communication my seem bumbling and inadequate. Of course, many enjoy the interaction and leave it there. We may deal with the frustrated feelings through fantasy, but more and more our society allows instant action upon those feelings of desire, as the urge to merge quickly progresses and union is achieved. The body may fulfill a need despite protestations of the mind.

Well, you might say, if this behavior of instant gratification progresses we might just as well be animals. How could children find stability with parents randomly copulating; and what of disease? Once again the answer lies in the body. For what are we searching as the hunger for love overpowers us? Ultimately, we are searching for ourselves. As we see ourselves reflected in the eyes of another the attraction becomes so strong as they 'remind us' of feelings of love within ourselves; and because we want more of it, holding back becomes difficult. Certainly many escape from a painful reality through drugs and alcohol to deaden the senses; or partake in extreme sport to remind ourselves we are alive; or become obsessed with the physical act of sex and all it's related stimulations. But the real cause of our desire, our real need, is to know and love ourselves more.

If we are to trust the body feelings and knowings as the readout of the soul to lead us home to greater fulfillment, then all experience becomes worthwhile and healing. The greatest joy is healing. We are taking part in the conscious healing of the planet right now. By lifting our understanding and awareness, by realizing that all experiences and relationships have come to show us something, we can be open to spontaneity; we can begin to live everyday life as a series of adventures.

Consciously aware of the traps our ego may set for us as we look into the eyes of one another, what we once may have mistaken to be a purely sexual urge, becomes a deeper experience of getting to know the soul. The attraction is pure creative energy that tells us that this person has something to teach us; and the strength of the attraction may be in direct relation to the extent of the knowledge to be imparted. It may require a few years in that person's company to extract the special learning for ourselves; or it may be a mere comment they make in passing that sets us on track. So rather than expend our energies in immediate physical union, the greater understanding of this creative energy in the new paradigm may be not in the urge to procreate babies, but to forward our own understanding. It may be just as rewarding and exciting to merge the creative intensity by sharing life stories, trusting that what comes to mind for discussion is the perfect trigger leading to further comprehension of our life and healing.

Following this intellectual connection you may still decide to move the earth together physically, if it feels appropriate. In learning to trust ourselves, express our intuitions and come home to each other, a global healing takes place and through this interaction the creative energy of the universe is played out through its people as each as a creator had the full intention of doing so. The path we are traveling to transcend the ego-based reality is taking us back to a true connection, to a much deeper, more fulfilling reality, all played out through feelings and expression of emotion, as a promiscuous society searches for greater understanding and more fulfilling relationships in order to gain a greater sense of self.

Tired of the competitive interplay of energies, we finally learn that the true expression means that as I look into the eyes of my brothers and sisters, I let down my defenses and recognize that home is inside of you and inside of me, and together our individual gifts and resources stimulate the urge to merge on a global scale. We devise a system that supports the multitude. We care enough to responsibly face our internal demons and know there is no fear-based reality we cannot dispel as a powerful unified group. And so the matrix of relationships serves to lead us home to greater satisfaction and completion, limited only by that which we dare allow to enter our imagination.

Sue Fowler - PO Box 26 Wakefield, Nelson, NZ.

___________________________

* [Editorial footnote] Many of you will be familiar, but some of you may not, with the chakras, or centers of energy within the subtle anatomy of the human body. This is neither the time nor place to go into this profound topic in depth, but if there is interest, we may explore this realm in some depth later on; or alternatively, refer interested readers to sources of information on the subtle human anatomy.[H.]

Sue, I want to say Thank You for a profound and illuminating contribution to our "new paradigm" discussion. It bears reading and re-reading several times, and I hope the ricipients of these newsletters are keeping them in a safe place where they can be re-read over the course of time. We're not dealing with five-second sound bytes here. Thank You again for a beautiful and insightful contribution.

Now here, to round off our discussion today on a lyrical note, is a poetic offering from Sue's sister, Karen Mills; and a beautiful personal sharing of heart and inner experience.[H.]

As I lay in my cradle
Aligned with God above,
I focused my attention
On unconditional love.
I watched the ones around me,
My family and my kin,
Although the truths they showed to me
Belied the soul within.

I grew and learned that if I cried
I caused a lot of stress.
My father's heart withdrew from me,
My mother loved me less.
My older sister hit me
When no-one was in sight.
I have to say I was perplexed:
She loved me in the night.

One day my mother said to me,
"You're nothing special, Dear;
You'll never be good looking,
So find a good career.
You'd better study hard at school,
Obtain a high degree.
The chances are much better then
To prove yourself, you see.

"I'll buy you sweets and books and toys
If you show me that you're good."
(Why is it she shuns me then,
When I'm misunderstood?)
I came to Earth to be myself,
To learn through my expression;
But people here condition me
And complicate my lesson.

I went to school and tried my best
To be the way they wanted;
But I felt lonesome in my heart,
And permanently daunted.
Why can they not just love me
The way I am as Me?
Why must I prove myself to them?
Why can't I simply be?

But then I did not understand
The part I had to play.
I could have used my energy
To learn another way.
If I had only understood
That my life I create,
I would have chosen laughter
Instead of tears and hate.

I feel the chains of hopelessness
Tugging at my heart.
It separates me from the rest,
And makes me feel apart.
There is no-one quite like me:
I think I am a freak!
But all of this I cannot say,
For I'm afraid to speak.

At times I've dreamed of peace and love,
A joyful wondrous Earth,
Where I could be myself at last
And find what I am worth.
I looked at life before me;
What more could I discover?
Perhaps to make myself complete
I ought to find a lover?

I found someone to love me
With all my imperfection.
I gave myself so desperately,
I thought I'd found direction.
The years we were together
Showed that both of us were flawed,
With sorrow, pain and judgment,
And tears without reward.

Our troubles we could not resolve,
For we did not discover
The power each one has within:
We stole from one another.
I looked for love outside myself,
For laughter and for wealth.
I did not know to look within,
To try to love myself.

I found myself alone again,
Forlorn and full of dread.
The future seemed a lonely place;
I might as well be dead.
But help it comes from God above
When life is all despair,
And when I turned to see the Light
I didn't really care.

For life had seemed to pass me by
And thrown me on the ground;
And when they came to pick me up
I didn't make a sound.
A world of love had found me then,
And taken me to rest,
To help my soul to start again
To face the Earthly test.

They helped me turn and face myself,
And see my worth as Me.
"The world is full of love," they said,
"If you will truly see."
They showed me my Divinity,
And all my gifts and wealth.
They showed me peace, tranquillity,
And how to love myself.

I found myself and overcame
The anger and the tears.
I searched inside my heart and saw
The meaning of my fears.
I saw that I was strong and true,
And had been all my life.
My acceptance of conditionings
Had caused me all my strife.

So now the time has come to heal,
To take my truths to others;
To the lonely and forlorn,
My sisters and my brothers;
To tell them all that I have learned,
To help them heal inside;
To let them know that Love and Light
Can be their healing guide.

My heart tells me to go to them,
To bring them words of Light;
But something else still holds me back:
I want to do it right.
My Earthly life has made me feel
I'm not a one to lead;
But something in my soul still says,
"Set forth and sow the seed."

So all I need is confidence,
For now, you see, I know.
I do not need to prove myself,
But simply let love flow;
To take my heart to others,
And help them truly see
That God resides in everyone
With Christ's Divinity.

- Karen Mills

Love & Light,

-- Harmon
J. Harmon Grahn